It’s easier to react than it is to respond. Hence, she was manipulating me to see if I would react a certain way. So when she said I wasn’t being authentic she was actually thinking that she wasn’t being authentic. So how have I been manipulated recently by hurt people who have wanted to hurt me? She later said that she would say things to me that she was actually feeling about herself. This is because they are hurt and are in need of healing – the kind that only Christ can bring. Remind yourself how fucking amazing you are, we promise you, you are *so* worth it! For you it’s as if the world is crashing down, and all you knew of others was a lie, but for them it’s not so dramatic and they most likely don’t even remember hurting you. However, the mind will always make you guilty again some other time, so that your inner critic could punish you again. Hurting quotes will let you realize the agony of being hurt. #11: Hurting deep inside is one of the signs that you have allowed yourself to love because the only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love deeply. This may seem obvious, but too often I hear something along the lines of, “Oh they’re just having a hard time,” as a defense for someone behaving in a harmful way. Sometimes a person acts with malicious intent, desiring to hurt you because they don’t like you or they’ve chosen to be offended by you. They often continually hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior. Words do hurt people. However, the explanation for deliberately hurting the person you … Hurt people hurt people, however they hurt themselves more. I like your advice for when you've been hurt. We can always offer love to them — either in close proximity or from further away. Reacting is a million times easier than responding. Great topic and you did such a wonderful job here discussing both being hurt and hurting others. Sylvester Stallone. Sadly, many people who are carrying hurts are left to deal with their feelings of pain or loss by themselves. I know it’s fucking hard. The person may try to resist those urges because of the likely consequences, but not because the idea of acting on the thoughts or urges is incredibly unsettling. They may just be preconceived notions projected onto others in order to protect one’s ego. There is an expression that misery loves misery. Why hurting people hurt others. “People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. They are actually just preconceived ideas projected onto others to protect their ego. But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. Have you ever gone to a dinner party that you really didn’t want to go to, but rather than call and cancel, you attended the party because you didn’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings? It is a fact of life. Feed it to yourself even if it feels impossible to swallow. Think about how their pain or situation to have hurt you. Be Humble I asked him about it (in several different ways to elicit an honest response). If you’ve done something that hurt them, you need to apologize as well. The mental health community needs to start stressing the idea that when you’re hurting it does not mean you get to hurt others. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. “Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks. But it’s not a long-term strategy for coping with hurt. Free articles, courses, and other things you might like. Why hurting people hurt others. Hurt people have a hard time entering into a trusting relationship. You can break the cycle of negativity, criticism, and abuse. But for the majority of us, we hurt others because we’re in pain. When sharing your own feelings, speak from a place of “I”. Instead, we could replace our resentment with compassion for ourselves and those who hurt us. The person may try to resist those urges because of the likely consequences, but not because the idea of acting on the thoughts or urges is incredibly unsettling. Step 1: Recognize it for what it TRULY is, Step 2: Create a safe space for them to be authentic, Step 3: Have open, honest communication by asking questions and sharing your feelings, Step 4: Choose whether you want to move forward with the person. One way to win is to love them where they’re at and be okay with the outcome. 4. This is very typical of people in general — we can only see in someone else what we have in us. Instead, we could replace our resentment with compassion for ourselves and those who hurt us. Stopping someone from hurting you when they don't care about your feelings is difficult because you can't control what do to you. 57. Sometimes it’s better when you are alone since nobody will be able to hurt you. She always waited for me to contact her (she also did this with men and other friends in her life). Hurt people often alienate others and wonder why no one is there for them. Now that you have talked it out, do you want to salvage the relationship? We’ll run as fast as we can from the negative emotions we encounter in ourselves. My ex hurt me deeply. If you think you are unique with your pain and broken heart, look at others: sometimes you see, sometimes you don’t, but no one is spared. But, they didn’t cause them, and they cannot heal them. So what do we do about this behavior in others? When I said I didn’t want to be friends I just wanted to see if you’d fight for our friendship.”. Each of us may have experienced being heartbroken. “Have you ever been hurt and the place tries to heal a bit, and you just pull the scar off of it over and over again.” – Rosa Parks. Carlos Castaneda. We can rise above — and hopefully bring them up with us. In all situations you can help them move from grief to healing. He wanted the decision to leave to be on me so he could walk away scot free. Hurt is something that every one has experienced. When you are punished, your sense of guilt seems to dissolve at that moment. Hurting is how life gives you a signal that it’s time to change; embrace this signal, because if you don’t, there will be more signals. Today, my friend Deana from Frugal Homeschooling Mom, shares 5 Verses that will help when you have been hurt by others.. Deana writes: A friend messaged me on Facebook tonight. Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. Everyone makes mistakes. #12: When you love people you give them the key to rooms in your heart and this means that when they wrong you, it’s not going to stay on the surface but will hurt you deep in your heart. … While some mistakes are in our control, others are not. Bottom line: They might not be truth. Even when it is unintended, some people find it intolerable to hurt someone they love. Thanks so much for writing it! I will never forgive you … Their reactions stem from past experiences that led them to certain beliefs that they accepted as truth. Again, this is typical behavior from people who are hurting. If you are hurt, you`re alive. You can offset those feelings by redirecting them to something that they do well. This may seem obvious, but too often I hear something along the lines of, “Oh they’re just having a hard time,” as a defense for someone behaving in a harmful way. We don’t need to feel hurt in the process as they take themselves down. This was interesting because in my experience as a coach I have learned that this a typical coaching phenomenon — we tell others what we really want to say to ourselves. If we’re at peace with ourselves, we don’t feel the need to spew venomous emotions on to those around us. I was broken for many years so I can understand where people are coming from when they behave in certain ways. As always, example is … Sometimes it’s better when you are alone since nobody will be able to hurt you. Hurting people often don’t love themselves enough so they look for love and approval from others. Hurt people are often self-absorbed with their own pain and are unaware that they are hurting other people They are often insensitive to other people because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy and their capacity for self-awareness. I keep reminding myself this. The sting don’t last forever, the nostalgic moments don’t last forever. Only you know which choice is best for you in any given relationship. How Do Bullies Hurt Others? Being isolated, singled out, and made to feel less is not fun. If you are still hurting out there, have faith. Realize that when someone hurts you, it’s usually because they’re hurting. I accepted this as truth — this is what she said she wanted and I honored it. “With love, you should go ahead and take the risk of getting hurt because love is an amazing feeling.” – Britney Spears. She responded very quickly with “I’m SO glad you contacted me. The other person is going to need your help at some point, and this is where you get to illustrate what being a kind and giving person is all about. 59. No matter what caused you to feel that way and regardless of the impact, it's important to recognize that pain is a part of life. Have you been hurt by others? 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